Need to vent, and, since this is my ‘ranting blog’, here goes…
First, the job is killing me. Seriously. I’m not sure how much more my back can take. I left work early on Friday because of the pain; Saturday and Sunday night, I popped two Motrin every two hours, just to try to keep the pain at a bearable level (didn’t really work, but I hung in there anyway). Not only is it pure hell being in pain for eight hours (then several more hours after), I worry what damage I’m doing by ignoring the pain.
But, I need the job because I need the money. Nothing better on the horizon just yet. So, I have no option but to deal with it as best I can.
Second, I feel like my chance to go to school is slipping through my fingers again. So many things to take care of, and I’m afraid I don’t have enough time. I’m about ready to give up on the whole idea. Maybe I’m just not meant to go to college…
Third, I am missing something in my life. Something very important and precious to me. Most of the time, it’s right there in front of me, but just out of reach. Why? I’m not really sure. I have suspicions and fears of the reason(s), but I guess I’m more fearful of having them confirmed than asking why. It hurts. It’s seriously fucking with my self-esteem. I’m a coward.
Dette Said:
on May 15, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Girl – no wonder you feel like ranting – you got a lotta sh*t going on.
Have you gotten the chance to schedule an appt with the doc yet about your back? Definitely wanna get that checked out…
Don’t give up on school just yet.. please? I’m in awe of you just for considering it and looking into your options. I’m not even that close yet. I kid around with my eldest, asking him if he’d be okay if we went to school together – lol. He actually thinks it’d be cool – we’ll see if that changes.
This last one worries me… It sounds like you’ve already asked the questions in your head… just not out loud. Maybe you’re not ready yet – and that’s okay. Maybe you just need a little time to “hope for the best but prepare for the worst” – and that’s okay, too.
Whatever you decide, we’re here for you… *hugs*