Archive for May, 2008

Depression is a Bitch. And I Don’t Like Her!

Main Entry:
de·pres·sion Listen to the pronunciation of depression
Pronunciation: \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\
Function: noun
Date:  14th century
1 a: the angular distance of a celestial object below the horizon
b: the size of an angle of depression
2: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a: a pressing down : lowering b
(1): a state of feeling sad : dejection
(2): a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies
(1): a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force
(2): a lowering of vitality or functional activity 3: a depressed place or part : hollow4: low
1b5: a period of low general economic activity marked especially by rising levels of unemployment
At least I’m not suffering from the last one anymore.

Random Rants

Need to vent, and, since this is my ‘ranting blog’, here goes…

First, the job is killing me.  Seriously.  I’m not sure how much more my back can take.  I left work early on Friday because of the pain; Saturday and Sunday night, I popped two Motrin every two hours, just to try to keep the pain at a bearable level (didn’t really work, but I hung in there anyway).  Not only is it pure hell being in pain for eight hours (then several more hours after), I worry what damage I’m doing by ignoring the pain.

But, I need the job because I need the money.  Nothing better on the horizon just yet.  So, I have no option but to deal with it as best I can.

Second, I feel like my chance to go to school is slipping through my fingers again.  So many things to take care of, and I’m afraid I don’t have enough time.  I’m about ready to give up on the whole idea.  Maybe I’m just not meant to go to college…

Third, I am missing something in my life.  Something very important and precious to me.  Most of the time, it’s right there in front of me, but just out of reach.  Why?  I’m not really sure.  I have suspicions and fears of the reason(s), but I guess I’m more fearful of having them confirmed than asking why.  It hurts.  It’s seriously fucking with my self-esteem.  I’m a coward.